Return to Totara Park Read online

  Return to Totara Park

  By,

  Shirley Wine

  Return to Totara Park

  Copyright© 2012 by Shirley Wine

  Publisher: Shirley Wine 2012

  Cover Design Copyright 2012©PShirley Wine

  Cover Photo: Dreamstimes

  Interior layout by http://www.formatting4U.com

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from the author at [email protected]. This book is a work of fiction. The characters, events, and places portrayed in this book are products of the author’s imagination and are either fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  For more information on the author and her works, please see

  http://www.shirleywine.com

  ISBN: 978-0-473-20854-7

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Dedication

  About the Book

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  About the Author

  Excerpts

  Lovers’ Lies

  Shadow Dance

  Ashlyn’s Bodyguard

  Yesterday’s Sins

  About this Book

  Winsome Grainger left Totara Park with a terrible secret in her heart and a darker secret in her past vowing never to return. A vow shattered when she and her estranged husband, Jared each inherit a half share in Totara Park, the Grainger Dynasty’s Estate.

  Under the terms of Jared’s father’s will, he and Winsome must live on Totara Park together for two years or the Estate will be sold. Unable to live with the knowledge that, through her, Jared stands to lose his heritage, Winsome reluctantly returns with their four year old daughter Lacey.

  Unsure of her husband’s support, she suffers the guilt of the damned. Having never possessed the courage to confide these dark secrets to Jared, Winsome has time to regret not telling him why she walked out on their marriage, why she left him, or why she left Totara Park.

  Now these secrets threaten not only her shaky marriage and her love for Jared, they threaten her precious child’s life, and her own. Filled with foreboding, she discovers she’s a mere pawn in a dark and deadly game. A game whose rules she doesn’t know…

  ***

  “ This book was deftly written. The story has it all - mystery, intrigue, betrayal and romance. It has well developed characters…who leave an indelible impression on the reader. This was a very enjoyable read and I look forward to the next book by the author.”

  Rating: 4.5 Hearts, © Love Romances, 2001-2003. All Rights Reserved.

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to the memory of Justin & Nolan, my beloved twin sons who lie sleeping for eternity in Hautapu.

  United in death as they were in life.

  We will love them until the rivers run still

  Chapter One

  Winsome Grainger struggled to remain calm.

  One glance at her estranged husband made that almost impossible. Although no longer the shy, insecure girl who’d come to Totara Park as Jared’s bride, she feared the impending meeting. It hung over her head like the sword of Damocles.

  Up ahead was Gaelen’s house nestled in its grove of oaks.

  The last leaves of autumn clung to the trees. Fallen leaves lay in mouldering heaps against the railings and beneath the sod, bulbs waited for spring.

  As did the malevolent secrets of Totara Park.

  Winsome shivered, suddenly very afraid.

  Suffocating tension tortured every cell of her body as Jared parked in the driveway behind Gaelen’s car and switched off the engine. Between them, unspoken, lay the past with all its grief and anger.

  Jared’s parting ultimatum a tangible barrier. If you leave, I will never come after you.

  “Dad stipulated his will was to be read today after his funeral.” Jared was first to break the silence. He made a low, disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “I thought the family reading of a will was a discontinued, archaic relic.”

  Her heart slammed against her ribs. Harvey’s will? Was that why she’d been requested to attend his funeral today and bring Lacey? And afterwards visit Totara Park?

  “God knows what he’s done.” He slammed a hand against the steering wheel in frustration, amber eyes glittering.

  She glanced at him, horrified. Five years ago she’d left Totara Park vowing to never again set foot on Grainger land. Now, at Harvey’s insistence, she was returning.

  Gaelen and Paige would hate it.

  Gaelen can only hurt you if you allow it. Dr Cartwright’s gruff words seeped into her troubled mind, bringing immense comfort. She took a deep breath and then another, willing herself to relax.

  As Jared faced her, the sunlight turned his tawny hair gold, every unruly strand slicked down and in its place. “Later, when afternoon tea is over, Max Harpur will read Dad’s will. I’m as apprehensive as you obviously are.”

  Jared? Jared admitting to human frailties? Winsome shook her head. She was obviously not the only one who had changed. “I didn’t think you possessed fallible, human emotions.”

  He gave her a scorching look. It was a wonder she didn’t melt into the seat. “This meeting isn’t my idea. Raking over the past is pointless, it can’t be changed. Let’s keep this as civilized as we can.”

  What could she say? The burden of guilt grew heavier.

  “This is just as difficult for my mother as it is for you.” His clipped tone was unfriendly, his amber eyes dark with grief. “Try not to cause friction.”

  “I have never caused friction.” Chin high with proud defiance, Winsome opened the door and escaped the claustrophobic confines of the car. She opened the rear door and unbuckled Lacey, lifting her from her booster seat.

  “I don’t like this place, Mummy,” she whispered, her arms snaking around her mother’s neck.

  That makes two of us, kiddo.

  Lacey was unnaturally quiet, and had been ever since they left Cambridge. At Harvey’s wish—his farewell had taken place there in the small Waikato town in New Zealand’s rural hinterland, at the church where he’d worshipped all his life. His cremation was private, between him and his God. Grief wrenched at Winsome with the force of a physical pain. How was she going to survive without the one person who never judged or accused?

  “You’ll be okay, sweetheart,” she murmured, desperate to reassure herself as much the little girl.

  Lacey gave Jared a scared, wary look that threatened to break Winsome’s heart. In cutting her from his life, he’d also cut contact with his daughter. As he looked at Lacey, Winsome caught his anguished regre
t and her resolve firmed. Their separation was not of her making and he must know his own choices had denied him knowing his daughter.

  “Are you my father?” Lacey’s question caught them both off guard.

  Jared stopped, and then crouched to her level. “Yes, I’m your father.”

  “Why don’t you live with us like other fathers do?”

  He can answer. I’ve fielded Lacey’s questions ever since I explained we were coming to visit her father. Winsome took a ragged breath. This close, tawny heads almost touching, no one could mistake them for anything other than father and daughter. And seeing them together now hurt her heart.

  “Sometimes there are reasons little girls don’t understand.”

  She flinched on a swift stab of anguish. How did you explain to a little girl that her father didn’t even want to know she existed?

  “Susie’s father doesn’t live with her but she stays with him. Why don’t I ever see you, if you’re my father?” Lacey asked with unassailable four-year-old logic, her grey eyes shadowed with doubt.

  “Susie?” Jared looked up at Winsome, amber eyes questioning.

  “Her friend from kindergarten.”

  “I’m seeing you now. Perhaps you can come and stay with me sometime soon.”

  Over my dead body. Winsome clenched her hands. If he thought this visit gave him any rights, he was in for one very rude shock.

  “Can I really?” Lacey’s voice rose with excitement. “Come and stay with you?”

  Under the same roof as Gaelen? Never.

  “We’ll see.” Winsome blistered him with a furious glare. How dare he raise the child’s hopes like this? “This is just a visit, Lacey. Remember we talked about it.”

  “Okay.” She gave a resigned put-upon sigh designed to make her mother feel guilty.

  Jared glanced at her, his icy glare chilling her to the bone as he held out a hand to Lacey. After a moment’s hesitation, she slipped her small hand in his. He put his other hand under Winsome’s elbow; it was a protective gesture she remembered well. Her arm burned at his touch and it took every ounce of self-control not to flinch or pull away.

  As they walked up the wide front steps, she almost succumbed to panic. She stopped mid-step, wanting nothing more than to turn tail and run. What am I doing here?

  Jared noticed her hesitation and compassion softened his hard expression. In that moment Winsome caught a fleeting glimpse of the man she’d met and married so precipitously.

  “Don’t be scared,” he murmured, the soothing tone meant to allay her fears. “Mother’s looking forward to seeing you both. Come and meet your grandmother, Lacey.”

  Biting hard on her lower lip, Winsome struggled to subdue a burst of hysterical laughter. Jared had expressed similar sentiments the day he’d brought her home to this house as his bride. And how tragically farcical that had proved to be. Gaelen had hated her on sight and done everything in her power to break up their marriage. Winsome was nowhere near good enough to marry her adored son.

  Now time, and Dr Cartwright, had given Winsome the strength to face the woman who had made her life hell on earth. Anger and pride stiffened her spine as Jared escorted her down the wide corridor and into the spacious lounge. She looked around.

  It’s every bit as oppressive as I remember.

  Hand crocheted cloths spread like an evil lichen, growing on small tables and chair backs. The sight of them made her shudder.

  Lacey pulled away from Jared and moved closer to her mother. Winsome put a hand on the child’s shoulder and the physical contact steadied them both.

  “Mother, I’ve brought Winsome and Lacey.” Jared’s deep voice was loud in the pulsing silence.

  Winsome’s gaze clashed with Gaelen’s and they were both remembering—

  “How long do you think my son will lust after you?” Gaelen raked her with scorn-filled eyes. “Once he knows about your tainted blood.”

  “Tainted blood?” Winsome’s heart jerked in fearful panic.

  “I know about your father and mother and their legacy to you. Did you think Jared would have married you had he known? A Grainger doesn’t tolerate defective genes in cattle or in humans.”

  “How did you find out?” This was the visitation of nightmare.

  “Was it meant to be a secret?”

  Too afraid he would stop loving her, Winsome had never shared the appalling details of her parents’ deaths with Jared, or the years afterwards.

  “I know my son,” Gaelen whispered in a gloating purr. “When he discovers your past, your lies, he’ll throw you out on your sexy backside—

  Winsome blinked and Gaelen’s face came into sharp focus. With stark perspicacity, she realised her fear had allowed Gaelen to victimise her. And she, herself, had handed Gaelen her weapon. Had she been honest with Jared, Gaelen could never have blackmailed her.

  And when Jared knows will he ever forgive me?

  Winsome swallowed, her throat working painfully.

  Tall and commanding in funereal black, Gaelen wore a delicate Spanish lace mantilla over her fair hair. She looked down her straight Roman nose at Winsome and Lacey. A petite five foot and of slender build, Winsome was too aware of Gaelen’s statuesque presence.

  “Winsome.” She nodded, subdued and wary.

  “I’m sorry about Harvey.” Winsome rushed into speech to break the unbearable tension. “You’ll miss him.”

  Topaz eyes widened in surprise, Gaelen was obviously taken aback by her daughter-in-law’s genuine emotion. She held out a hand to the child. “I’m only sorry it’s taken his death to bring you back, or to permit me to meet my granddaughter.”

  Lacey backed away. “Does Grandpa live here?”

  “Not anymore.” Gaelen’s face crumpled and she stepped towards Lacey. “Come and give me a hug, child.”

  Lacey sidled closer to her mother as Gaelen approached.

  Winsome’s eyes narrowed, her direct gaze colliding with the older woman’s. Don’t you dare so much as lay one finger on my precious child.

  Gaelen halted mid-step, her eyes wide with shock. Her hand dropped and colour flared in her pale cheeks. “You’ve ruined her just as you ruined Matthew.”

  Winsome picked up Lacey and looked at Jared. “We’ll wait in your apartment until this is over.”

  “Perhaps it would be advisable,” he said, lips compressed and amber eyes glittering. His anger did nothing to ease the searing tension as he guided her down the east corridor to his apartment. He opened the door and, as they stepped inside, the years faded as if they’d never been.

  These rooms had been the haven of their marriage.

  And they too, were exactly the same.

  She looked around, hungry eyes taking in the oak sideboard and bookshelf, the pretty chintz and velvet covered chairs and sofa, and the black console with its stereo and television. Each item had been chosen with care, in the mistaken belief that their marriage would withstand every chill wind.

  Love proved to be no match for Gaelen.

  “I’ll bring you afternoon tea, coffee for you and milk for Lacey?” Jared was first to break the tense silence.

  “Yes to both. Could you bring some sandwiches for Lacey? We left early and she hasn’t eaten since breakfast.”

  “I’ll bring a tray and then I have to help Mother entertain our guests.”

  “You do what you have to.” Winsome laid a hand on his arm. “Lacey and I will be fine.”

  She had a sneaking sympathy for his bafflement. He’d never understood, or even recognised, the warfare between his wife and his mother.

  “You’re sure?” His gaze swept over her and when she nodded, he sighed and left them.

  Alone, she slowly surveyed the room that had once been the centre of her life.

  It was strange, this sense of dislocation.

  Looking about her now it was as if she was an observer, stepping back and seeing a younger, different person.

  She’d been so young, so naïve. Shaking her head, she was o
vercome with pity for that gullible, love-blinded creature. A gold-framed photo on Jared’s desk caught her attention.

  With short jerky steps she crossed the space and picked it up.

  Matthew.

  Sorrowful, she traced a trembling finger over his photo, outlining the soft gold curls framing his chubby face. She touched a fingertip to the smiling mouth and nearly cried out when its contours remained unchanged, forever a baby boy captured in this one transient moment.

  As she traced his shoulders, she imagined his warmth, the delicate bones beneath his warm flesh. And touching the enchanting dimple on his chin, she sighed, hungering to hear his baby laugh, but it was all gone, consigned to memory. There was nothing, no substance to the picture. No smell, no warm vibrant life, no sound of baby laughter or his sleepy snuffle.

  And superimposed over this picture was another, that of a dead white face and sightless eyes.

  A shiver shook her. And guilt.

  Always the guilt.

  Fighting down panic, she berated herself for being a fool. How could I think I could return and escape unscathed?

  She looked down the garden. The lily pond was gone and a rose garden now thrived in its place. Bitter, futile anger scorched through her. Why didn’t Harvey get rid of that damned pond when I begged him to?

  “Why are you sad, Mummy?”

  Winsome glanced at Lacey and, seeing her expression, put the photo down. Her little girl was upset by an atmosphere beyond her understanding.

  “She’s sad because your grandpa has died and gone to Heaven.”

  Winsome turned in mid-step as Jared answered Lacey’s question. He put the tray on a low coffee table and glanced from her to the photo. She sighed soundlessly.